YES no.2 - a play

Buying the Unbearables book yesterday was such a great thing, it made me so happy because I haven't treated myself to anything other than junk in a long time. It made everything better, the thoughts, the anxiety, the discomfort.

So, I decided to stick with it and do something life-affirming every day. The one thing I actually am good at (although it's so, so much different after this summer's mess up when, in a split second of being blinded with physical pain, I slapped a young man with autism and behavioral issues who happened to attack me and cause me considerable pain and I can't forgive myself and maybe I shouldn't and maybe I shouldn't be allowed to work with this clientelle anymore, I don't know and I can't bear the thought of leaving a job I love but I doubt my capabilities and feel guilty, for good reason, every day *EDITED TO CLARIFY: Yes, I did hit a client. He is heavier and stronger than me and he was sinking his teeth into my neck. I gave him a slight slap on his cheek to break off the bite. I didn't "lose it" as in went raging at the kid.  It was a failure. Period. It happened because I was playing superhero and over-estimated my capabilities by far. Yep. And it is never, ever, going to happen again. Ever.*) is my job. And if I were a client of mine, that's the action plan I would write regarding my quality of life - do some tiny little pleasurable thing every day.

So I went to a student's performance of The Forest by Alexander Ostrovsky. It was the best thing in the world, I almost forgot how much I love both theater and the 19th century Russian realism. It felt like a part of me coming back to life. All those things I used to care about, in those periods when I was "better", books and drawing and jogging and all, I really should get back to that and stick with it.